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Facing denial, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. Someone is turning you down, giving a firm “No.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began pitching manuscripts 50 years back, right after finishing university. Since then, I have had multiple books declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many pieces. In the last two decades, specializing in commentary, the denials have grown more frequent. On average, I get a rejection every few days—adding up to in excess of 100 annually. In total, denials over my career number in the thousands. Today, I might as well have a advanced degree in rejection.

So, is this a self-pitying outburst? Far from it. Because, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Managed It?

For perspective: By this stage, almost everyone and others has said no. I’ve never counted my success rate—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

A case in point: lately, an editor nixed 20 pieces in a row before accepting one. Back in 2016, over 50 publishing houses declined my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a project. A particular editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays less often.

The Steps of Setback

In my 20s, every no hurt. I felt attacked. It seemed like my work being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a manuscript was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, disbelief. How could this happen? How could they be blind to my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Certainly you’ve rejected the wrong person? This must be an mistake.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, then frustration with me. Why do I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (preferably accompanied by delusion). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. What’s more, I can never become any good.

I experienced this through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Notable Examples

Certainly, I was in fine company. Tales of creators whose manuscripts was originally declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was originally turned down. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Most American leaders over the last 60 years had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer estimates that his script for Rocky and bid to star were turned down numerous times. He said rejection as an alarm to wake me up and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

Later, upon arriving at my senior age, I entered the final phase of rejection. Acceptance. Now, I better understand the many reasons why someone says no. To begin with, an editor may have just published a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or just be considering that idea for someone else.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the reader feels I don’t have the experience or stature to succeed. Or is no longer in the field for the wares I am offering. Or was too distracted and scanned my piece too fast to recognize its quality.

You can call it an awakening. Anything can be rejected, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many explanations for rejection are permanently out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Some aspects are under your control. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be flawed. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the point I am struggling to articulate is not compelling enough. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my grammar, notably dashes, was unacceptable.

The essence is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve published several titles—the initial one when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and more than numerous essays. These works have been published in publications major and minor, in diverse outlets. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

However, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no presentations, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no national honor. But I can more readily accept no at this stage, because my, admittedly modest successes have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can now be philosophical about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but when you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will probably just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What teachings have I gained?

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